8/14/2024 A Brief Reintroduction to What is Normal
QUOTE:
“No feature should be drawn except in its relation to others. There is a sequence in their relationship.”
HIGHS / LOWS:
HIGHS: I’d say that this week was filled with countless moments of joy and elation. I’m going on 4 months of taking antidepressants (YAY). My monthly check-in with my psychiatrist reminded me just how much better my mind feels on a day to day basis. This is a huge win, as I’ve grown so accustomed to finding other ways to improve my mental health without medication. The many plants, hobbies, and people that bring me joy now compound from the pedestal my mood has been hoisted onto. I give credit to the medication, but its ability is null without an inherent want to stay present and focus on my state of being rather than push it away. An awareness of my body, brain, and emotions, even for a short amount of time every day, gives me an awareness of growth. Without taking time to ground myself and be present, my benchmark for growth is never being set. I feel more willing to set those benchmarks now more than I have in months. This is a high.
LOWS: On the contrary to my mental and emotional health, my physical health this week has been fluctuating. I am still recovering from a meal that threw off the balance of my stomach biome. Meals have become less focused on taste and cravings and more focused on necessity of my body (one might argue this to be a net good lol). Outside of this, I feel underutilized at work and in my professional life. I care greatly about the work that I do and the things that I create, but struggle every day waiting to be handed the baton of my success. Capitalism is a race that demands I be second in line every time. I want nothing more than to seize what I know I am able to accomplish, but know that I do not have the ability to do so without others seals of approval, letters of recommendation, witness testimonies, and first born children. This cycle continues until I am deemed ready. This is a low.
MEDIA REC:
Contact (1997) film by Robert Zemeckis
STREAM:
I miss friends. A good majority of my every day is spent thinking about other people. I do not think of them in any particular way outside of analyzing their relation to me. It is very hard for me to let go of attachments and feelings that I once held very dearly, even if I know the connection is changed (this is true of my connection to other humans, or even simply things in my life that I connected with). It is human nature to crave things that feel good and exciting. I would never want to hold feelings of longing against myself, even if they are for connections that I will never be able to reforge.
On the other hand, I find it even harder to think about connections that are still holding on by a thread, but aren’t completely dissolved or intact. People that live on the outskirts of my life without constant communication or recognition. I sometimes feel that these people should be cut out altogether. If they don’t serve a direct purpose into my well-being, why hold onto that thread? Contrary, I also love and admire many people that I don’t have a consistent connection with. I know the importance of holding onto periphery friends as a network of support and community. These two thoughts sit at odds with each other in my head regularly.
LOOKING FORWARD:
It is nearing the end of summer. We had our first cool morning a few days ago. That immediately brought with it the feeling of Fall. I enjoy the warmth more than the cold, but Fall holds a special place in my heart due to the amazing vibes it brings with it.
I am excited for my birthday in just a few weeks.
I am excited to spend time with friends and loved ones.
I am excited to again think about the passing of another year.
QUESTIONS FOR MYSELF (AND YOU):
Am I taking time to be present? What does present look like to me?
Am I letting my highs and lows dictate my week? Can I let them happen without them affecting my overall wellbeing?
How am I letting myself look forward to this Fall? Where are my hopes and expectations?
